Act on your emotions
by little princess
Summary: [ONESHOT] After the war, Heero disappeared. But one night, Duo meets him again. Will they ever come together?


Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam wing, who does? Not me.  
  
Pairing: 1+2  
  
Rating: PG13  
  
Author's Note: Thaks to Sarah for bêta reading this story and thanks to Soriano for her help with this as well.  
  
Act on your emotions  
  
"Remember when we first met? I was convinced you were an enemy and wanted to destroy you but instead you ended up firing torpedoes at your own gundam, and mine as well."  
  
"I remember, they got pretty messed up by that."  
  
"Yeah, I still gotta puke when I think of the way you just 'repaired' your leg at our next meeting. And when you were working on your gundam you got all stubborn and refused any help or sleep. Man, but you repaired it in one night, using parts from my Deathscythe. And to think I even complimented you."  
  
I sigh, taking a sip from my beer and glance at my companion at the other side of the small wooden table.  
  
It's been three years since Marimeilla and three years since I last saw you. And for some reason that bothers me more than it should. Trowa, Quatre, Wufei and I joined the preventors after the war, but you didn't. You simply left.  
  
You have no idea what I've been through just to track you down, but even Relena didn't have a clue where you were. After you fainted into her arms when you killed Marimeilla -the doctors couldn't save her anymore- she brought you to the hospital and no one has seen you ever since. Your data was cleared from the hospital computers -and all others for that matter. I know because I tried everything I knew. But all my hacking skills and Wufei's together weren't enough to find you. It was as if you had just disappeared into thin air.  
  
I even began to believe you were dead.  
  
And today, After Colony 199, late at Christmas Eve, I enter a random café in the neighborhood, planning to drink away the loneliness, for I have no one to spend this Christmas with. Quatre and Trowa spend it together in one of Quatre's far away mansions somewhere in the snowed mountains, Wufei is doing God knows what and Hilde is spending time with her boyfriend. So here I was, ready to drink away the thoughts of you -no, I never could stop thinking of you- and there you were, sitting at a table drinking a glass of beer all by yourself. I thought I was hallucinating! I was convinced it was just my brain playing tricks on me. But still I am here, sitting opposite of someone I long deemed lost forever. "Where have you been the past three years, Heero Yuy?"  
  
You seem to wince at the name. Did you change it? Were you hoping to hide your identity? Have you been trying to leave the past behind you and is that why you never sought our presence anymore? Or did you just not care? Were we really no more than allies to you? Did our missions, our views, our lives mean that little? So many questions I have but I am certain I can never ask them all. You knew where we were, why didn't you ever bother to contact us, if only to let us know you were still alive.  
  
Because we did care, you know. The four of us stayed good friends, Quatre and Trowa got together within the year, but wherever we went, whatever we did together, whether it was a mission, a party or just a boring preventors meeting, we never felt the same without you. We missed you being there Heero! We missed your smart-ass serious comments, your glares, and your attempts to be funny. We missed your presence. But sitting here, looking at you, it seems as if you haven't missed us at all.  
  
You don't immediately respond to my question, instead you glance down at the wooden table, seemingly uncomfortable. You've changed, Heero. You've grown older, a real man you are becoming at the age of nineteen. No longer are you just a boy and I see you have taken pretty good care of yourself. Your body is still in good shape, your clothes have changed for the better and you look healthy, not as pale as you used to look. Your hair is still the unruly mess it always has been, though, but I don't care. I like the way it falls, or rather, doesn't fall.  
  
When you look up again your icy blue eyes meet mine and I see you are uneasy. I don't understand why. Do I bother you? Is that all I am to you now, a burden, someone standing in your way of... Oh I don't know, of whatever the hell it is you've been doing the past three years.  
  
Well, if that's the way you think about it I might just as well leave you to your peaceful life. It's pretty obvious you don't want me around disturbing your little happiness.  
  
When you break eye contact to glance at the table again I get some money to pay for my only half-empty glass of beer and place it on the table. You don't even look up as I get up, with pain in my soul; to leave the café I entered only 10 minutes earlier. I have to get around you to leave since it's your back that is turned to the door. But as I walk past you, your left arm shots out and grabs my wrist in an iron grip and you force me to a halt. "Stay Maxwell." Your all-too familiar ice cold voice says, bringing back memories of every time you called me that. Well, at least you remember my last name. That's more that I'd expected, I think sarcastically.  
  
I've been trying not to make a scene, but right now I am pretty damn close to making one. I prepare to yank my arm free with a sneering comment just when your grip diminishes and you let go of me. I would have stalked off if my ears hadn't picked up the whisper you added.  
  
"Please."  
  
Now it's my turn to wince for that was the last thing I'd expected you to say. I turn around, knowing I should be forcing myself to walk away and save those few pretty pictures I have so I can spend the holidays in peace with myself, but I just can't seem to do that. You're not looking up at me -I knew I was expecting too much- but when I look closer I see that you look . . . forlorn. Any other might think that it was just my presence that was irritating you, but somehow I feel there's more. Worry and curiosity gets the better of me so I quietly sit down again and wait for you to speak.  
  
"Guess I really messed things up." Your voice still sounds cold, but I can pick out a hint of, what? Loneliness? How much I want to believe you have been lonely, but I can't. If you really were lonely, you should've contacted us. We would have been more than happy to have you back in our lives. Quatre and Trowa spend a lot of time together and they really seem to be happy with their choice, though marriage is something neither of them wants. But Wufei has changed a lot. He still scolds everybody for everything and still blames everything on the female race, but his heart just doesn't seem to be in it as much as it used to be and once or twice I even caught him blaming you when his job goes wrong and he could really use your skills. I know he wants more than just your skills, Heero. He misses you, more than he allows himself to show. They all feel that way, not to mention me.  
  
"Just tell me why, Heero." You still blink at the name as if it comes from a memory you've pushed far back, but I ignore it. "Why didn't you even once contact any of us?" I study your face. Are you thinking up some answer or are you just trying to find the right words now?  
  
You shrug. "I had things to do, places to go. I didn't want you all to get involved."  
  
I shake my head. Heero Yuy, you are still a horrible liar. You knew damn well we would have wanted to get involved. And even if it were true, you could've at least contacted us once in awhile. It's no excuse to leave us worrying, wondering what we ever did wrong to you to push you away. Heero, you should really leave the lying to someone who can actually keep a straight face knowing he isn't telling the facts.  
  
"Don't lie to me!" It's hard to keep my voice down when all I really want to do is yell at the top of my lungs, telling him how much it hurts to see and hear him like that. Only now I realize you hurt me much more than I was willing to believe before. "After all these years I've been wondering" worrying was more like it though I dare not say that, "about you and now you are flatly telling me lies. If you don't want any contact anymore, just tell me and I'll leave you alone and I'll never try to find you again. But please, don't tell me lies."  
  
I had said the words before I knew it. Your eyes grow wider at them and so do mine I guess. Fuck. Of all the people, I was getting emotional around Heero.  
  
'The only way to live a good live is to act on your emotions.' That's what you'd said. It had sounded silly at first, coming from a boy whom, I was convinced, didn't have any emotions whatsoever, but soon enough I discovered that was just a mask like my cheerfulness was. And here we are, the both of us, dropping our masks as if they were never present.  
  
You seem to hesitate at my outburst but I leave it up to you to talk next. You keep avoiding my eyes all the time. Are you ashamed?  
  
"I'm sorry." You finally manage to say. The first time I ever heard you apologizing. "I just . . ." You sigh as if I'm making things hard on you and you really don't want to continue. But honestly Heero Yuy, I wasn't the one who ran away. I wasn't the one who refused to be found. You glance up at me and I try to encourage you with my eyes, waiting patient for your explanation. You'd better not be making this one up.  
  
You still seem hesitant, but nevertheless you speak. "After the Marie- Maya thing was over and I was in that hospital I had a lot of time to think, too much time. The year in-between had been hard one me and. I guess I got a little scared." You almost whisper that last part as you look down again.  
  
"Go on." I encourage you, for your explanation does not satisfy me yet.  
  
"Don't you understand?" You suddenly ask with more force behind your voice. "Duo, I was no longer the perfect soldier simply because there was no need for that anymore. But what are you going to do when all you ever knew how to do is now unnecessary and forbidden now? All you guys seemed to adapt perfectly well, but I didn't know how to. I remembered the way you had all acted in that time of peace and I felt . . . left out. Like I didn't belong there. So I left."  
  
God, I never knew you felt that way about the whole situation. Suddenly I feel like I've done too little, like I haven't been a good friend when you needed me to be one. Hell, I never even noticed you had problems! How can I call myself a friend? "You should've told me. . ." I whisper, not believing you ever would have. You never showed what you felt before so why would I expect you to turn to me with this?  
  
You narrow your eyes at me. "How would you even begin to understand?" He shot at me. "You seemed to fit in perfectly well, just like the others!"  
  
I let out a chuckle, though I am not amused at all. "That was only an act, Heero. I come from the streets, remember? How was I supposed to know what to do? I just . . . tried. And a cheerful mask has always been more effective then a hard and stubborn one." I clasp my hand over my mouth. Damn, that was wrong to say. This is going great, just great. First I get mad at you, then I get you mad at me and now I'm saying all the wrong things at the right time. This is going so not going well.  
  
To be honest, I was speaking the truth. I really think it was my cheerful mask that helped me 'blend in' at first, but later things just happened without me having to go trough any trouble. And it's the truth that it's easier to make friends when you're acting the clown than when you're all anti-social. But still, I could've been subtler or even better, kept my mouth shut.  
  
"I'm sorry," I say, "I didn't mean it that way."  
  
To my surprise you answer; "But it's true." And I hear a hint of sadness in your voice.  
  
"That doesn't give me the right to hurt your feelings." God, now I'm acting like Solo. He preferred talking things out immediately because before you knew it could be too late. Solo . . . He had been my best friend before he died and I haven't had a friend like him since. But then I ran across you. You were so different but yet so the same. Like him you were strong and smart and you always got what you wanted. He was not as anti-social as you are, but he was pretty drawn back as well. Couldn't trust anybody on the streets.  
  
I can't explain what I saw in you. Maybe, in the beginning, it was just the memory of Solo, but as the war continued that alone wouldn't have been enough. But it wasn't until after you left that I realized how I really felt about you. I wanted you, Heero, to spend my life with.  
  
I see you still did not tell me everything, but at least this time you told the truth. There was one thing that was still bothering me though. "But why didn't you even once contact us? If only to let us know you were still alive. We were all worried about you, the boys and me. And Relena too."  
  
"How is she?"  
  
What? I couldn't believe him! Of all the people you left behind, you are asking how Relena is? For only a short moment I feel a sharp pain in my chest. Am I jealous? Jealous of you obviously being more worried about Relena than about me? But, why? You have every right to ask about her first. After all, she was the one who had been yours to protect all the time during the war.  
  
I can't speak up for the waitress comes to our table at this very moment. I look at my glass and see that unconsciously I must've drank it all. "Want some of the same, stranger?" The pale young girl asks you.  
  
You nod affirmative and then the girl turns to me.  
  
"And you sir?"  
  
Why not? "I'll have another beer."  
  
The girl scribbles something down on her notepad before she leaves us alone again.  
  
I don't know if you noticed the twitch in my eye before the girl interrupted us, or maybe that was just the reason for you to continue now. "I haven't heard about her on the news in awhile."  
  
I don't know if knowing that you've been following her life makes it better or worse. Of course, I like Relena -though it's probably a good thing we're too busy to see each other much- but somehow I wish you'd just stop speaking about her. A little agitated I react. "You're avoiding the question." You look back at me, frowning. Good, Now that I got your attention back. "Why didn't you contact us?"  
  
Again, an uncomfortable silence falls. I'm really getting tired of these silences. This continues on any longer and I'll be outta here. Pease don't let it continue any longer. This is not my ideal fantasy of how to spend Christmas. I don't want to loose you again Heero. Then your mouth moves, and though you even barely whisper, the moving of your lips alone is enough for me to make out just what you're saying. And I am surprised by what you're saying, for you're saying you thought it was too late . . .  
  
"Ever heard of the proverb better late than never?" I say bitterly. That sounded a lot harder that I'd meant. Actually, I didn't mean to say that out loud at all. But my embarrassment is saved as the young girl chooses that very moment to bring us our drinks. She winks at you before she leaves, but you seem to take no notice of it.  
  
"She seems to fancy you," I tell you; glad I have the opportunity to put my cheerful mask on again and feel more secure. Because I have no idea what might come of this night. Though there's always some hope that . . . never mind. It can't be. "The way she's flirting with you."  
  
"It's her job."  
  
"She a whore?" I take your silence as a yes. A shame, at that age. Under all that make-up, she seems no older than fifteen, maybe sixteen. But it is none of my business so I leave it be. I am still not out of questions and now that I got you to talk to me this night in a way I've never heard you talk before -you sound guilty- I'm not gonna waste my chance to get as much out of you as possible. Still, I have to remember to be subtle about it or you'll just refuse to say another word and start a glaring match with everybody who dares to even glance your way. At least, that's how you used to be.  
  
"Sooo," I decide to try and turn this conversation in a more casual way. "What'ya been doing these past few years. You got a job, Heero Yuy?"  
  
There you go again, flinching. But why? "That name . . ." You whisper, though I don't think you realize you said it out loud.  
  
"What about it?" I ask, hoping to find out why you've been shuddering at it.  
  
"It was just a codename and is needless in this time of peace." The cold way you speak about your name, your identity. "I haven't used it since the end of Marie-Maya. Everybody here calls me stranger. I'm nameless."  
  
"You sound like Trowa," I tell you, recalling that one afternoon when he, Quatre and I destroyed our gundams, "so I'm gonna tell you the same as we told him: It doesn't make any difference, Heero is Heero. Names are for other people to call you. It's no use trying to change that."  
  
Your eyes soften at that comment, as you almost seem to smile. "Does a name really matter that much?" You wonder,  
  
"Yes it does. When we speak of you, we speak of Heero Yuy and when we speak of Heero Yuy we speak of you, not a James or a Call or a Milliardo, we mean you, Heero Yuy, ex-wing pilot and our partner during the war." And the one that captured my heart. Of course, I don't say that last part. I can't tell you that in all these years I couldn't stop loving you. I tried to get over you, get you out of my head, but you seem to be stuck there, as if the devil is playing tricks with me. Or maybe he just knew we'd meet again. Maybe . . .  
  
Who am I fooling now? I haven't seen you in years! You've changed, I've changed, and there's never been anything more between us than as partners, not even real friends, were we? Is there anyone you ever named your friend? You have a new life now, do you have new partners? Do you have anyone you might consider friends? Do you even need us anymore?  
  
Man, coming here really was a mistake. At least before I saw you here I had dreams, pretty pictures I could hold on to, but now, after meeting you here, knowing you're doing perfectly well and seem to have survived good enough without us, that is all scattered. I hate you, Heero Yuy! My head common sense tells me to hate you but my heart won't let you go. I should've never come here and I don't know why I'm still sitting here. Man, this Christmas is gonna be a hell! In Wufei's words, damn you, Yuy!  
  
At that moment the barkeeper, a not very thin or handsome man at all, more like those typical kind of barkeepers you see in movies and such, walks up to us and announces he's going to close. I glance at my watch. "It's only twelve o'clock." I say, for most pubs never close this early.  
  
"It's Christmas eve. I got a wife and a family who want me home tonight so I'm closin' up." Of course, I understand that. The man has every right to want to go home and celebrate Christmas. I glance around and see that we're the only visitors left. Even the young girl is gone now. I glance at you and see you regret having to leave as well. Guess we're the only ones fucked up enough to spend Christmas alone.  
  
As the barkeeper starts to put all the chairs on the tables upside down, getting ready to close up, we both get up and pull on our jackets, mine is thick black bomber jacket while yours is just a thin blue summer jack. You must be crazy! It's the middle of the winter! Only then I realize that all the while you had been wearing nothing but a thin shirt.  
  
The wind outside is blowing like crazy and raindrops are falling down from the pitch-black sky. It's not raining hard, but it's starting to. I don't like the rain. It's Christmas it should be snowing. I've only once in my life had a white Christmas. On L2 it never snowed.  
  
I look at you. You look at me. An awkward silence falls again as neither of us knows where to go now.  
  
"So. . ." I say but at the same moment you open your mouth to speak as well. We both smile in embarrassment but eventually it's you speaking up first.  
  
"Guess this is it." You say you have no idea how much that hurts to hear those words coming from you. You really don't want me in your life, do you? I can't do anything more than nod, afraid my mouth will betray me if I try to speak up. Then you nod, more out of politeness than anything else and you turn around to walk the opposite direction of my apartment.  
  
I tug on the collar of my jacket as a sudden cold breeze tries to break trough the thick fabric, almost succeeding. With pain in my heart I watch you walk off into the darkness of the cold, lonely night.  
  
~~~~~  
  
I drive back home and there I turn on the Christmas lights out of habit. As soon as I can and fall down on the couch, covering my eyes with my hand. All I can think of is how stupid I have been to let you walk off like that. I finally found you and now I lost you again! And that on Christmas Eve! I thought that was supposed to bring people together, but all it ever did for me was separate us. After all, it was Christmas when Marimeilla died and it was Christmas when I last saw you. Life just doesn't seem fair.  
  
Oh Heero, how I'd foolishly hoped you and I could be together again, at the least as friends. Guess that was just stupid ol' me foolin' myself with emotions you simply refuse to let trough. My head knows that you and I can never be, but my heart is so damn retaliating against it!  
  
Common sense and the heart don't go together. One's head and heart are never one. Always follow your feelings, for you are the one always saying that the only way to live a good life is to act on your emotions. But if that really were what you were doing, that means you don't want to be with me, for you walked off without turning around even once!  
  
I turn on the television to try and find anything worth to watch, but it's all crap on there. And even if there were something good I wouldn't be able to concentrate anyway because at every boy I see that is between the age of fourteen and twenty, my thoughts keep going back to you. Finally I turn the damned thing off and, knowing that I can't sleep with you on my thoughts anyway, I decide to make myself some hot tea.  
  
When I'm back on the couch with the sense of hot liquid pouring trough my throat, my thoughts roam off to you again. Why couldn't I just have picked another pub to drink something, any pub but the one you chose? At least then I would be able to sleep tonight. But it's a bit late for that now, isn't it? I close my eyes and try to shake off any thought of you, but instead of that happening, I now not only think of you, but I have mental pictures of you as well. I feel like I'm reliving the war again, every moment I spent with you. I see you in your usual outfit, the green tank top and those ridiculous pants you always wore with them, I see you in your basketball outfit -how unusual it was to see you in a red tank top for a change, and how beautiful you looked- and I see you with the handcuffs in prison in outer space. Then, after the war, your image Quickly changes into that of a man, no longer a kid, no longer underage but still beautiful as the night.  
  
I'm ripped out of my thoughts by the sound of the doorbell ringing and that makes me jump. I glance at the display on my DVD-player. 1.37 Who could be visiting at this hour? Besides that, the rain is falling out of the sky hard, creating a loud clattering noise as it hits any surface. Who would be stupid enough to go trough that? I get up and walk to the door. There's no way I can see who it is without opening it, so that's what I do. It takes me a minute to unlock the door I had already locked when I came home, assuming there would be no need for me to open it again. Finally the door opens.  
  
When I see the silhouette standing there my eyes grow wide, because the one standing in front of me is ". . .Heero?" Am I dreaming?  
  
You're soaked! Your hair sticks to the skin of your face as if glued there; your thin jacket looks as if you deliberately held it under water, not to mention your jeans and shoes. You look like a helpless cat, drowning in the rain.  
  
You don't know what to say, that's obvious, for you seem just as surprised to be here as I am to see you here. But soon enough, you turn your eyes to the ground and open your mouth to speak. "I . . . I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come . . ."  
  
That's the second time I hear you apologizing and that all in one day?  
  
You turn around to leave, but this time I refuse to make the same mistake again. I pull you hard on your soaking wet jacket and you stumble inside only barely keeping your balance, surprised by my action. I feel like grinning, for words can not describe what it feels like to see you standing there, being all clumsy for a change, but I suppress it as I try to avoid looking like a little kid who just got his presents from Santa Claus. That's exactly how I feel right now. I close the door behind you, determined not to let you go anywhere out in the rain and I warn the sand man that this had better not be a dream, or else Shinigami might soon be paying the dude a visit . . .  
  
You look like you're cold and before I know it I ask you if you want to borrow a clean shirt of mine. I feel a blush coming up so I quickly glance around the room as if busy looking for one which, of course, is not there. I don't know if you noticed my blush but you seem to hesitate for a moment. "Isn't it a bad time? It's a bit late and I can just leave . . ."  
  
"No!" I interrupt before you can speak any further, but the speed I said it with was just a bit too fast. So I repeat myself, trying to hide my embarrassment. "No, it's okay. I'll take you to the bathroom and give you some clean clothes."  
  
That's unnecessary," You say. "I won't stay long."  
  
The hell you aren't. Heero Yuy, You made your choice to come here, now you're here to stay. "I won't let you go trough that rain again." I tell you and somehow you seem relieved at my invitation, knowing you're still welcome. How could you ever think you weren't? Let's hope that rain lasts long, I add as an afterthought. "Did you walk all the way here?"  
  
You nod, but don't say anything as I take you to the bathroom. I show you where the towels are and tell you I'll leave you a clean set of clothes on the dryer. Then I walk over to my closet to pick you some clothes. I wonder what to give you. I'm taller than you are now so I don't have to worry about anything being too small. I realize the thought of me deciding what you should wear excites me, though honestly, anything you wear would look good on you. And another positive part about me choosing your clothes is that we'll have to meet again for you will have to return them back to me sooner or later. There's no way in hell you're getting rid of me now, Yuy. I feel a grin coming up.  
  
I finally settle for a white shirt and a loose pair of pants fit to sleep in, for I certainly hope you will stay that long. I decide to include some underwear as well. I place them in the bathroom where I now hear the shower running. After that I decide to change into sleeping clothes as well.  
  
When I'm done changing I go back to the living room and get myself some more tea. I remember you always preferred hot chocolate to tea, but I don't have that here now since I don't drink it so I decide to wait until you get out of the shower and then can tell me what you want. With my refilled teacup I walk up to the window and stare outside at the rain, pouring down into the dark alley next to my apartment, though my ears are focused solely on the sound of the shower.  
  
Soon enough, the shower stops running and I only hear the sound of the rain on the window and only a minute or so later I sense your presence in the room. I turn around and look at you but the look soon turns into a stare. I was right. You DO look good in everything.  
  
"You want anything to drink?" I ask you as I remind myself to quit staring. You shake your head once and walk up to the Christmas tree in the corner of my living room.  
  
"It's beautiful." You say, after looking it over.  
  
I walk up to you to admire my tree, murmuring thanks to you. Together we stand there, but I doubt you are thinking of the tree right now. Of course, neither am, for I am wondering what it is you're thinking. But I don't have to wait long to find out.  
  
"Why are you being so nice to me?" You suddenly ask me.  
  
I shrug. "Just trying to be a good host."  
  
"Oh." Damn. As if there was anything worse I could've said. Oh well, it seems like I'm making a habit out of saying the wrong things at the right time. I walk back to the window where I'd left my tea and sit down in the windowsill.  
  
"How did you end up here?" I ask to do away with my previous answer.  
  
You sigh and turn away from the tree to face me now. Hesitating, you began to tell your part of what had happened after we left the bar. "I had just rounded the corner when I realized I was being foolish for letting you go when you said you still wanted to be my friend. But when I arrived back at the café you had already left and were nowhere in sight." You pause a moment, but I see there's more so I give you some time to find the words. "I was just about to turn around and leave again when the barkeeper came out to close things up. He told me that he now knew two people celebrating Christmas all alone. So I came to find you."  
  
My heart misses a beat. You . . . came to find me? You actually want to spend time with me, to have me back in your life? Of course, I should've realized all this when I opened the door and saw it was you standing in front of me, but somehow I guess my mind told me not to get my hopes up. But now, to see you standing here in my apartment, next to my Christmas tree, wearing my clothes, hearing you say those words to me -I figured this isn't a dream when I burned my fingers on the hot tea I spilled- it seems so . . . perfect. Can my pretty pictures then maybe really come true?  
  
Hope is filling me again after hearing you wanted to find me. Obviously, my surprise is shown on my face for you're asking me again if you really shouldn't leave. Then suddenly, all the tension of the day comes out in a long line of words.  
  
"Don't even think for one moment I'm letting you out of my sight again, Heero Yuy! You have no idea what I've been going trough trying to find you but always ending up with dead ends pulling me closer and closer to the conclusion that you were dead! You have any idea what it felt like to even think of that?" I leave no room for you to answer as all my thoughts are suddenly trying to get out all at once. "But you don't know what it felt like to see you sitting there in that café after all those years you went missing. And you were acting as if you never missed me at all and I was trying not to show off much. I missed you and now you're here and damn it, Heero, if only for one moment you're thinking of disappearing again because I wohmmmm. . ." My words are cut off because all of a sudden you're next to me, decide to lean over and you . . . kiss me.  
  
My eyes grow huge and I let out a sound of surprise when you draw back again. Your eyes, your beautiful blue eyes catch mine and for a moment we're under a spell of nothingness, only you and me. I feel your hot breath tickling my face as you whisper "I'm sorry for all the worries I caused you."  
  
"'S ok." I murmur back as I now take my cup of tea in my other hand and place the empty hand on your shoulder to draw you back to me again. I close my eyes and kiss you back and invite your tongue to explore and play with mine. It seems like only seconds when our kiss breaks again and we stare each other straight in the eye again, neither one breathing, neither one looking away.  
  
"Heero?" I whisper, trying to keep my voice steady.  
  
"Hn?"  
  
I mean to ask you why you wanted to come back to me, but instead my lips form the words "Why did you kiss me?"  
  
"Because," you answer with a smirk as you draw me closer to you, "the only way to live a good life is to act on your emotions."  
  
Outside, snowflakes are being formed and as they dance on the soft breeze, I feel relieved. For right now, I know this Christmas will be the best Christmas in my entire life.  
  
~The end~ 


End file.
